Written by a long-time child development expert whose mission is to bring knowledge to parents.
Dr. Montessori recognized that children strive for independence. They feel accomplished, mature, excited, and capable when they complete an advanced task. While adults might differentiate between “work” and “play,” children find joy and satisfaction in chores. Here is an incomplete list of domestic skills your very young child might love to tackle:
Dressing
Buttoning
Zipping
Eating
Preparing food (chopping, peeling, spooning, stirring)
Loading the dishwasher
Unloading the dishwasher
Cleaning (spraying, scrubbing, wiping)
Brushing teeth and hair
Folding laundry
Gardening
Raking leaves
Shoveling snow
Hammering nails
Watering houseplants
Photographs: Canva
Dr. Maria Montessori instructs us, “Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” However, it’s tricky to enable children to practice skills in the context of the busy life of the house. For example, waiting patiently for children to struggle through a series of buttons on their shirt as we strive to rush out the door in the morning leads to universal frustration. Furthermore, we often feel caring and nurturing when we do tasks for our children. Dr. Montessori speaks in absolutes again when she says, “Every useless help is an obstacle to development.” Rather than putting pressure on ourselves and our children to embrace independence at every opportunity, I encourage families to think of one or two areas at a time where we can involve children in self care or the life of the house.
“Help Me Do It Myself.”
Think of one or two tasks that your child would like to help with or accomplish independently. Then, break the activity down into small steps. For example, to prepare a banana, the child needs to wash their hands, gather the materials, peel the banana, dispose of the peel, slice the banana, place the pieces in a bowl, get an eating utensil, enjoy their snack, and clear the table. Even the simplest task has many steps!
If the activity in its entirety is too complicated, which small steps can the child do? When getting ready to go outside, perhaps they can take their shoes off but get assistance in putting their boots on. They can put their coat on but receive help zipping.
When presenting a new skill, here are the principles that Montessori guides follow:
Slow Hands Omit Words
Slow down! Demonstrate the activity using slow, methodical movements. Then, give your child ample time to practice. Again, learning a new skill isn’t suited to a time of day when you are in a rush!
Show, don’t tell. Use words sparingly and deliberately demonstrate the activity with your hands. Remove extraneous movements.
Pause between steps. Break the activity down into sequential steps, and take a beat between them.
Give time to practice and repeat.
Focus on the difficulty. As they repeat, what is tripping them up? Show them just that step again.
Give Children Real Tools
Photographs: Canva
Within reason and with supervision, give children glass dishes and real tools. Of course, breakage and accidents may happen. However, the embedded control of error in the materials will help children learn to be cautious. We all know the limits of saying “be careful!” ad nauseam. When a child breaks a dish, they learn the importance of care. When we entrust a child with a hammer and safety goggle and show them how to safely use it, they learn to be mindful stewards.
Hallmark Montessori Moves
Here are some great tips and tools for promoting independence with your child!
The famous coat flip
Dressing frames to practice buttoning, tying a bow etc.
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